Please Just Love Me
by Sami-Band
Summary: Oneshot. Darker than all my other stuff so far. Roxas has just joined the organisation and Axel seems to take an unusual interest in him. But things are never that simple. WARNINGS! RAPE MANXMAN SEX. Read for more. M Rated for a reason ppl!


**Please Just Love Me**

**OneShot.**

ROXAS' POV.

**ROXAS' THOUGHTS.**

_AXEL'S POV._

_**AXEL'S THOUGHTS.**_

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I'm in love with my best friend.

Its official, there is no ifs or buts about it; I am in love with my best friend. And I'll admit it quite happily. The fiery; redheaded; green eyed, tattooed, sexy Axel.

Axel.

I'm in love with him, pure and simple.

I love the way he walks, the way he talks… everything.

Wanna know how I got here?

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Xemnas walked in silence beside me, leading me to the main room in a place that I was told was called Castle Oblivion. I'd never been here before, but Xemnas had told me that I was to work for him in Castle Oblivion and I would be the newest member to Organisation XIII. He had told me little bits about what the Organisation consisted of and the types of people that worked there. He'd told me all about nobody's and whatever and I just wanted to get to my room and sleep. I'd had a tiring day.

"We're here XIII." He stated, taking a sharp left and leading me into a massive white room. I'd already had my initiation, and I was fucked to put things simply. I entered the room and took in all the other cloaked figures. We were all assigned with an extremely strict uniform that was in no way flexible. Black pants and shoes, black shirt and a black cloak. Everyone's attention was turned to me and I felt myself grow nervous under all their stares. They all looked really scary and extremely intimidating. Xemnas stopped in front of me and glared at the rest of the Organisation. They all gathered round like vultures, waiting to hear what their superior had to say.

"I'd like you to meet the newest member of our Organisation… Roxas, number XIII." I slowly pulled my hood down and made eye contact with each and every one of the other members nervously. Xemnas hummed slightly.

"I know you will _all_ make him feel _very_ welcome." And with that the crowd dispersed and started to talk amongst themselves. A few of the members came over to me and started to talk and then Xemnas dragged me off to the side.

"You're room is down the hall and to the right, look for the door number with XIII on it. I'm sure you'll find it without any trouble. Report to me first thing in the morning." And he left. I had never felt so out of place in my whole life and I swallowed thickly before silently leaving the room and heading for my chamber.

I walked slowly down the halls, taking everything in and trying to find the chamber quarters. I was so nervous. Xemnas had briefed me already on the whole aspect of us being nobody's and therefore we don't have hearts and ultimately, we cannot _feel_ anything. There is no emotion there and it's all just remnants from my other… but I wasn't too sure. These emotions I was feeling seemed to be very fucking real.

I turned down another silvery white hallway and continued to walk, finally finding the chamber quarter. Number II, Number III, Number IV, Number V…

Before I could get to my room, I was suddenly attacked. I was pushed full force against the cold, hard wall. I yelped out from shock and pain as my face collided with the wall and I tried desperately to fight off whoever had me pinned face first to the wall but they were clearly stronger than I was. I felt a hand push hard at the middle of my back and force me closer to the wall while another hand tangled in my hair and forced me to remain still.

Jesus Christ that fucking hurt! Seriously, I was certain that my lip was bleeding and I bit my cheek hard to fight off the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"What the fuck?!" I hissed, feeling both of my arms get locked together by one hand behind my back. The person behind me pulled both my arms up to the middle of my back and the figure moved close to me, I could feel their hot breath on my ear and I licked my lips, tasting the coppery substance there and swallowed hard.

"Don't mind me blondie, I'm just horny as fuck and dying for a fresh piece of meat. Can't remember the last time I saw a cute piece of ass like yours." As if to emphasize the point, the man behind me grabbed my ass and groaned gently down my ear. I bit the inside of my cheek and tried to struggle again against the stronger male.

"What the hell are you doing, let me go!" I shouted and I felt one of the mans hands grip my hair and snap my head back.

"Button it blondie. I promise it would be in your best interests." The voice was sinister sounding and vicious and I felt my breathing become shaky and irregular as the man slipped one hand round my stomach and he pressed his body flush against mine.

"Stop it, get off me now! Just stop!! Don't..!" I shouted and the man behind me snarled, pulling my head back again and I gasped slightly from pain.

"Don't? Try to stop me kid. I outrank you, so either button it; or I'll get you killed." The thought alone not only stunned me, but it chilled me to the bone. This man, whoever the hell he was, didn't seem to be in the mood for joking and he sounded deathly serious. Xemnas had told me that disobeying a superiors orders, assaulting them in anyway etc; would have 'severe and irreparable consequences.'

I closed my eyes and felt tears well behind them and couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes. I felt the man smile against my ear and he released my hair and scratched my head softly, the only even remotely gentle gesture he had done since pinning me to the wall.

"Good boy." He whispered and his hand began to move. It roamed around my back and slipped round to my stomach and I felt my body stiffen and I had to stop myself from retching. I released a shaky cry and the man's grip on my wrist tightened slightly. He ran his hand round to my ass and gave a firm squeeze before he withdrew his hand and I heard him messing around with zippers and belts.

My chest tightened and I wanted nothing more than to just fall into a black hole and never come out. I couldn't believe that this was happening!! Tears streamed down my face and my body was trembling violently but none of it was important anymore.

"What's your name?" his voice was firm and uncaring and I swallowed hard, whimpering.

"R-Roxas…" I whispered, voice barely audible and I felt the man run his hand round to my crotch, slipping his hand up and expertly undoing my belt and zipper with a slowness that was sheer torture. **Just fucking get it over with if you're going to do it, if not please just fuck off and die!**

"Roxas huh? The names Axel." **Axel. Right I'll be sure to stay away from you. **Axel tugged roughly at my trousers, pulling them down and slipping his hand into my boxers, immediately going round to my ass and kneading it roughly. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly and licked my still bleeding lip and then I heard his voice again.

"You done this before Roxas?" he asked, clearly not really caring and just making conversation. I grew annoyed and glared at the wall through my tears.

"Yeah I get pinned to the wall and raped every other Saturday didn't you know?" I retorted, sarcasm dripping in my voice. The man growled and then violently pulled down my boxers and moved closer to me, pinning my face against the wall and biting savagely onto my shoulder. I cried out in pain and then I felt Axel spread my legs further and within seconds, I felt him push his hard cock inside me.

I screamed from pain and the tears fell more and more. I had never had sex with a man before and I wasn't entirely sure how it was meant to work but I would certainly not be doing it again in a hurry if it hurt this much! **Fucking hell!! **

Axel groaned and rested his forehead on the top of my shoulder blades. My arms were completely numb from where Axel was holding me and his other hand gripped my hip tightly, leaving crescent moon shapes in my flesh. He didn't wait long before moving… maybe three seconds if that before he withdrew and roughly thrust back into me.

The thrusts became faster, harder, deeper and as they did the pain started to die off. It still hurt like hell don't get me wrong, but it wasn't as strong as when Axel had first started. He'd been at it for about ten minutes when he finally came and I retched when I felt him come inside me. One of Axel's hands covered my mouth to stop me from throwing up as he thrust a few more times and then finally pulled out. The temptation to bite down on his hand was overwhelming but somehow I thought it would come under assault so I refrained.

Axel released my arms and I heard him pull up his clothes and I somehow managed to pull my own clothes from my thighs back to my hips but before I had chance to do up my clothes and run, Axel gripped my arm tightly, sighing with satisfaction and spinning me round. My back colliding with the wall and the air leaving my body and I looked at the man for the first time.

My eyes burned into acid green and the man stared back, he had tattoos under his eyes and a fleeting thought that having tattoos there must have really hurt crossed my mind for a fraction of a millisecond before I pulled myself back to reality. His hair was a vibrant red and spiked all over and his eyes were smirking at me.

Axel gave a very sly smirk and cocked an eyebrow.

"Welcome to the organisation." He said and then he turned and left me there, without a backward glance; as if what we had just done was absolutely nothing. As if we had just bumped into each other in the hallway and now we were heading off after muttering sincere apologies.

Well what more did I expect? Did I expect him to tell me that it meant more to him than it looked and then confess his undying love for me? Psh, fat fucking chance; in fact it was more like, _no _fucking chance. It wasn't what I wanted anyway, but I had always wanted my first time to be a bit… different. As in like, completely different to what had just happened. I didn't want to have sex with a man against my will, to be pinned against the wall and threatened and be manhandled like that.

My heart sank and I slid down the wall, bringing my knees up to my chin and shaking terribly, the shock finally settling in and the realisation of what had just happened. **My god I was just raped.** A group of strange looking men walked past and smirked before erupting into laughter and muttering something about 'fucking kid aint gonna make it here, crying already' and I licked my bloodied lip and then slowly got to my feet, my legs like jelly underneath my body weight. It felt like I was trying to carry a mound of slate on cocktail stick legs. **Jesus just please let me make it to my room…**

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I thought I had seen the last of the redhead. I very naively thought that now he had had his release, he would leave me alone. I was very, _very _wrong. It was only the beginning.

The next day I got out of bed and showered, in exquisite pain from yesterday's assault and I winced and hissed to myself as I moved around. I came out of my bathroom, fully dressed in my uniform and ready to go and talk to Xemnas. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and then jumped when I felt a small gust of wind run through my room. I turned my head to the source and saw a bluish-black portal in my room. Axel stepped through and the portal closed and I felt my heart stop beating and my breathing became shaky. Axel smirked at me.

"Hey there Roxas, ready for round two?" I remained silent, just holding his eye contact and trying to calm myself down. And for the love of god, I could not have cared about what was going on. I knew why he was here, I knew what he wanted, and I just couldn't bring myself to care. If he wanted it, come and fucking get it. I was tired and I was hurt and I was sad and upset and confused and I felt so alone.

I had never felt so useless and exhausted and depressed in all my life. Axel scoffed and rolled his eyes, a smile on his face as he moved closer.

"Strong and silent type huh? Oh well that's OK, as long as I get what I want I don't care." He was standing directly in front of me now and he reached to me and rested a hand at my waist, trying to pull me closer to him. I shook my head and moved away quickly, heading to my door.

Axel was quicker than me, and he grabbed my wrist tightly and spun me round, pushing me against the door.

"And… where do you think you're going?" he asked, putting one hand to the side of my head and another holding my wrist. I swallowed hard.

"I have to… to go and see Xemnas… he said…"

"Oh Xemnas said. Well, at the moment; Xemnas isn't here. I'm here, and I'm saying I want a repeat of yesterday." He didn't give me time to try and convince him otherwise. He moved to the zipper of my jacket and pulled it down and then swiftly grabbed my belt and yanked it off none too gently.

I tried to fight him off; I put up a weak attempt of a fight. I mean the guy was higher in the ranks than me for a reason, he was stronger, quicker and I really didn't stand much of a chance.

"Axel… please stop…" I whispered and Axel undid my zipper and then looked at me.

"Hmmm, not likely Roxas." I continued to try and put up a fight and my attempt to try and get Axel away from me must have angered the redhead because he growled and then pushed me hard against the wall that I had managed to edge away from and I took in a quick gasp of air, ceasing all actions altogether.

He stared angrily and coldly into my eyes and I stared right back, trying to maintain the same cold and evil stare as him but failing miserably as my breathing was shaky and breathy and I was trembling all over, tears in my eyes again. Axel smirked.

"You're scared of me aren't you?" he asked, as if shocked and I didn't give him any reaction, I just continued to silently stare. Axel cocked his head to the side.

"Aw cute. Now down to business… don't try to fight me Roxas, you'll only loose and it's not like you're a fucking virgin to this." The words stung and I thought back to how awful yesterday had been. I practically was a virgin, I'd had sex with a man once, and that just so happened to happen yesterday with this man.

"Now we can either do this the hard way or the easy way. It doesn't bother me either way because whatever way you choose; you are going to be getting fucked in the next five minutes. So pick now." there was no humour in his voice and no sign that he was messing around in his eyes. Axel didn't seem like the type of guy to have a laugh and a joke, and I knew what he was implying. I was shaking violently and my breathing was arduous and I could hardly breathe.

I raised my shaking hands and reached forward, lowering my eyes to focus on what I was doing and I licked my lips, taking a hold of Axel's belt and anxiously undoing the belt. I struggled with the button to his pants and then slid down the zipper. I looked up at Axel and he only smirked, raising a hand and cupping the back of my neck.

"Good boy, Roxie." He whispered, his voice was surprisingly soft and I swallowed hard, not used to the feeling and Axel moved closer; tugging down my clothes and pushing my coat off my shoulders. Axel's hands played over my body for all of a moment before he slipped his leather gloved hands down and groped my already sore ass. The gloves were so soft, they were the type of leather that was so, so soft and not really like leather at all. I hissed slightly and Axel smiled against my ear.

"Too rough for you last time Roxas?" he teased and I bit my cheek hard and Axel chuckled.

"Turn around." He said, spinning me so I was facing the wall and pulling onto my hips so my ass ground against his already hard cock. At least this time he seemed to be a little more careful, bit late now but better late than never, I didn't want a repeat of last nights violent encounter. I pressed my lips together hard and dragged my nails down the wall, clenching my fists and squeezing my eyes together in pain as Axel thrust into me, roughly.

I let out a shaky breath of relief when he was actually inside and tried to control my breathing. **Jesus Christ, this doesn't get any easier… **

Axel withdrew and then thrust back in and rocked himself against me, growing more aggressive with each thrust and he reached and gripped my hips tightly, pulling me back when he moved forward to make every thrust as rough as the last. Somehow though, it didn't feel as bad as yesterday, Axel wasn't as rough, wasn't as desperate. It still hurt like a bitch though.

When Axel finally came, he pulled himself out of me and I shivered from the feeling. **Jesus Christ that's disgusting. Ugh…** I steadied my breathing and swallowed thickly and then I heard Axel pull up his trousers and I copied, not turning round to face him. I couldn't bear to look at him after what had happened over the last couple of days, not straight away anyway.

"Good to know I can rely on you Roxas. You better go and see Xemnas, we wouldn't want to make your superior angry." I turned and looked at him and Axel gave me a knowing look and a smirk before heading outside and closing the door. I sighed and shook my head, wincing and nearly retching when I felt Axel's come trickle down my thigh. **God I hope I can get these stains out…**

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Axel continued to visit me. Another three or four times and by the end of the week, I had had enough. I wasn't going to be used as a pincushion anymore and I was fucking fed up of being weak and in pain because of that fucking man.

When he came to me the following day, and started to pull all of his moves I shook my head and tried to fight him off, pressing my hands to his chest to keep him away from me. I'll admit, I had been putting up a decent fight every time Axel came round… well I told myself it was a good attempt, but I didn't try as hard as when it first happened. This time, I point blank wasn't going to let it happen. I think after the first time I just saw no point in trying to fight him off, if he had done it the first time he could do it again. But I wasn't tolerating it anymore.

"No Axel! I said no!!" why didn't he ever listen to me? Why did he just continue to reach for the buttons of my pants instead of actually doing as I said for once? Axel just chuckled and batted my hands away, sliding down my zipper.

"I hear what you're saying Roxas, I'm just not listening." He replied sarcastically and I gritted my teeth and pressed as hard as I could to Axel's chest, making him sway backwards but not actually move away from me. It was completely pointless and the only thing I had succeeded in was pissing Axel off.

Instead of falling on his ass and giving me time to get away which I wanted, Axel gripped my wrists and then thrust himself forward, pinning me antagonistically against my bedroom door. I threw my head this way and that to try and break free and wiggled as much as my body could but to no avail. Axel raised my hands above my head and then locked both of my wrists in one of his hands and with his free one he gripped my face and made me look at him.

"Attacking a superior now are we? Tut, tut, tut Roxas." His voice was a whisper and I struggled further to try and break free. Axel sighed and then without any warning, he slipped his hand into my unbuttoned pants, down my boxers and started to touch me; causing me to cease all my actions completely and gasp. I immediately bit my lip, realising my mistake. I didn't want Axel to think I was enjoying this… I didn't _want_ to be enjoying this. But damn it Axel had some fucking amazing techniques. He sighed and pumped me negligently.

"You're making this so much harder than it has to be Roxas. Why can't you just enjoy it and stop being a bitch?" his voice sounded genuinely confused as to why I wouldn't just go with it. Why wouldn't I just let him fuck me whenever he wanted even though he raped me on my first day? _Who fucking knows?_

I bit my lip hard, trying to stifle the moans that were on the tip of my tongue. Axel's hand continued to move over my hardened shaft, in lazy motions, not enough to make me come but enough to get me turned on and I licked my lips and closed my eyes when he gave a particular rough squeeze.

"I know…" he whispered, moving his lips to my ear and smirking against it. I gave a quiet whimper as he rubbed over the slit of my cock.

"I'll make you enjoy it."

I couldn't hold back the small moan that Axel educed from me and his lips stretched more into a smile. He puckered his lips and placed a very quick and chaste kiss to my earlobe.

"Much better Roxas, much better." He whispered and that was when he stopped what he was doing and instead removed my pants and boxers along with his own and he wrapped an arm around my waist and hoisted me up into the air. Instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waist and Axel moved and sandwiched me between the wall and him, releasing my arms and moving to my neck, kissing and biting feverishly, desperately and demandingly. That was Axel all over, very fucking demanding.

"Hold onto me Roxas." His voice was soft but it wasn't a question and I linked my arms around his neck. Axel moved forward and lowered me, impaling me onto his cock and I threw my head back and groaned. **Jesus Christ that felt good!! Why did that feel good?** Axel only smiled and then did it again, using his arms to lift and lower me and thrusting his own hips to meet him halfway. Axel started to kiss my neck, leaving pink and red bruises all over my neck and I won't lie, I was enjoying this so much more than usual. Axel was hitting all the right spots and doing all the right things that just drove me crazy. He placed a hand to my face and turned it to face him and then crushed our lips together for a forceful and bruising kiss and I felt the air leave my lungs.

**Why the hell is he kissing me? What's he doing? **But that was the extent of my deep thinking because Axel moved again and shifted his angle slightly, nailing my sweet spot and making me scream into his mouth, tightening my grip around him as a staggering pleasure swept over my whole body. Axel forced his tongue into my mouth and groaned against my lips as he continued to move. The kiss was angry and possessive and all teeth and tongue and mouth but I didn't care, it was still so fucking good.

Axel continued with me like this, kissing me roughly and fucking me into the door even harder and when he wrapped his hand around my cock and started to touch me, the pleasure was overwhelming. But not enough for me. Axel came hard and groaned and moaned loudly and I hissed slightly but that was it, I didn't reach my climax no matter how good the sex had been. Axel's motions slowed and then stopped and he looked into my eyes and smirked.

"Playing hard to get Roxas?" he said and he raised a hand, making me flinch and turn my head away from the offending hand.

"Hey, hey calm down blondie. Don't have a heart attack." He stroked my face tenderly as he lowered me to the floor and I felt my body shudder from his soft touches. I swallowed hard and looked up at him and he cocked an eyebrow and then leaned forward, nipping gently at my earlobe and causing me to bite my lip hard to stifle my moans.

"I _will_ make you come for me Roxas. Maybe not today, or tomorrow. But guaranteed, it will happen. That's a promise." He whispered before he kissed my cheek and then backed away pulling up his clothes and I did the same, licking my lips and still tasting remnants of the redhead there, the taste making sparks shoot up and down my spine.

"Same time tomorrow Roxas. I can see this working out very well, I'm going to have fun breaking you, I can tell." He said with a grin and then he left my room again. I immediately jumped in the shower and washed away any evidence that was left clinging to me and sighed. **God that was good compared to the other times. Why the hell did it feel so good?** I shook my head, I just didn't understand anything anymore.

I didn't understand Axel. I didn't understand why he kept coming back for more, why did he keep choosing me? I mean I knew there were a few people in the organisation who wanted him and he didn't want them, he just kept coming back to me; the one person who really didn't want him. It made no sense. It made no sense why he had turned me on so much today; why did he feel so good and why was he trying to make the experience enjoyable for me now? Why not the first time, why now and why the fuck did he care whether I enjoyed it anyway? Did he care at all, sometimes I thought maybe he did care, even a little bit… because why else would he keep coming back to me and why today did he touch me and try to make me enjoy what was going on and even _kiss me?_ Why? It made no sense! But then there were times when I knew he didn't. Like when he starts to talk to me. His voice just says it all, and his eyes and that damn fucking smirk; it all tells me he couldn't give a fuck and it was all just a game for him. I was just some piece of ass that satisfied him and I was easy to overpower than some others and easy to control.

I thought back to what had just happened and then remembered that my own need had gone unsatisfied, but why I really couldn't say. I mean Axel gave some very good sex just now, seriously it was mind blowing and he wasn't being as selfish as he usually was. I mean usually he'd just fuck me and that was that, but today there was kissing and touching and everything. It almost seemed like he was doing it for both of us and damn it he had got me worked up… but there was no end result to prove it and I couldn't understand why. Why couldn't I come?

I just shook my head and wrapped a hand around my now aching shaft and began to pump away, ignoring my mind telling me how wrong it was to whack off after just getting so turned on by a man I apparently hated. I needed this, seriously fucking needed it and if Axel couldn't get the job done I'd do it myself.

It was over in minutes and that just confused me even more, it was like I wouldn't let it happen when I was with Axel, no matter how much I had wanted release while being with him, my body just wouldn't comply. Whatever, I don't care. I cleaned myself down again and then stepped out of the shower, heading into my bedroom and getting dried and dressed.

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This continued for a good couple of weeks. Axel came to see me at least four or five times a week and we would fuck and he'd leave. When I walked (or limped) around Castle Oblivion, I would sometimes see Axel with his friends. He was usually hanging out with Demyx and Luxord and when I entered the room Demyx would look over. He'd nudge Axel and nod towards me, making me wonder what the fuck was going on and Axel would look over and took a long drag from his cigarette before talking to Demyx and making the three of them laugh. It was like I didn't even exist, like I meant nothing. And it was like it every fucking day.

I never approached him, fuck that; I wasn't brave enough to. I knew what Axel's mood swings were like and I just didn't want to be any more humiliated than I already felt. When we passed each other in the corridors he would ignore me, slap my ass or wink at me, but no words were ever exchanged between us. It made me feel so confused, because lately when he had come to me for sex, he had been different.

He had been trying to get me to respond more, to make me moan and groan and even scream his name. To make me cry out and beg for more, to beg for him. He was much more attentive, it was like he actually _wanted _me to enjoy what was going on, like he cared more. He would kiss and nip and lick and suck at my neck, he would move onto my upper body and would kiss me deeply and passionately. He would touch me in the most sensual of ways and he could make me tremble by just touching me and it was overwhelming. He could get me so turned on so quickly and he had found out so many if not all of my weak spots since sleeping with me. He wanted to know what got me going and what made me squirm, what made me want him.

The sex was pretty out of this world, but still I had that problem… and to say it was starting to infuriate Axel would be an understatement of the year. He failed to realise that it was frustrating on both of our parts and thought that it was only getting to him. It got to the point where I even tried to force myself to come just to stop his bitching. But to no avail. I could do it afterwards, just not while having sex with Axel. It was complicated, but then again so was everything else in this damn place. Were we friends? Were we lovers? Who the fuck knew, because I sure as hell didn't!

It got to the point, where I actually started to look forward to Axel coming to see me. This was about three or four weeks from our first encounter and he came to see me at least four or five times a week and he knew that I was now enjoying what he was giving me. And as much I hated to admit it, I did enjoy it. Even though I couldn't come while having sex with Axel, my body responded in such a crazy way and I knew I loved every second of being with him. I loved it when he touched me and when he kissed me, when he teased me to the point of no return and when he fucked me. I loved it all and wanted more; and Axel was happy to give it to me.

Axel was way more attentive than the prior first few times, he was a lot more about the both of us and less about himself, even though he never stayed once we had sex; but then again I never really expected or wanted him to. I wanted him to leave so I could rethink what had just happened and sort myself out and then take a shower. So it worked well. I knew Axel was pissed that he still couldn't get me to come but it gave me a sense of power in some fucked up way. I knew that while he hadn't figured out how to satisfy me fully, he would always come back; we would always have _something_. And in some warped way, I would _always_ have one over him.

I don't really know even now why Axel is so intent on proving his point, probably for his own satisfaction of knowing he actually can make me come, he can make me go weak at the knees with a simple touch and I am at his beck and call whenever he wanted me.

Axel entered my room and gave a sly smile and I smiled back. Without a word he came over to me and wrapped both arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him and kissing me deeply. I kissed him back and wound my fingers in his hair, making him growl slightly against my lips and he smiled and then pushed me further backwards onto my bed. He continued to kiss me and then ran his hands down my sides and gripped my hips, making me buck towards him and he hummed gently and started his work on my trousers and boxers.

Within seconds both articles of clothing lay scattered on the floor and he sat up and started to work on his own garments, tugging off the offending pants and boxers and tossing them to the ground. He locked eye contact with me and I found myself becoming nervous, he never really stopped once he had gotten started so why was he just sitting there looking at me?

"Suck me off." He said simply and I frowned and blinked.

"What? I'm not…" he cocked an eyebrow.

"You're not?" I froze. What the fuck, when did this become part of the routine? If this was Axel's way of trying to spice things up then it wasn't going to work. I mean in all seriousness I had never slept with a man before meeting him, so it could be concluded that I had never given a blowjob before either. But Axel's face looked serious and impatient, his eyes were daring me to say no again and I wasn't in the mood for a rough session; because Axel could get really nasty sometimes.

"I haven't… I've never…" Axel just shrugged nonchalantly as if he were expecting that sort of reply from me.

"Yeah well there's always a first time. Don't make me tell you again." His tone dropped to a more serious note and I licked my lips and held his eye contact, silently asking him if he was being serious and when Axel just cocked an eyebrow and sighed, I had my answer.

I sat up and Axel smiled and stood up, getting off the bed and beckoned for me to come over. I did as he instructed and stood in front of him and Axel smiled at me, an incredibly sexy smile and placed a hand to the top of my head, pressing slightly and I did what he wanted and dropped to my knees so I was eye level with Axel's cock. His hand was massaging my head affectionately and it was making me relax considerably. I bit my lips nervously and then reached up and held the base of Axel's shaft before moving a little closer, pressing my other hand against his thigh to keep myself from falling forward.

I swallowed hard and then wrapped my lips around the tip of his dick and sucked softly. I didn't really know what I was doing but the growl that ripped from Axel's throat told me that I wasn't doing too bad. I pushed a little further onto his cock and took more and more of him into my mouth until I couldn't take anymore and then I pulled back, continuing to suck and bob my head up and down his shaft. I felt Axel's hand cup my neck and then slip back into my hair and his other hand worked into my hair, gently pulling at my hair and pushing back, leading me.

I continued my task and then started humming to myself absentmindedly… which apparently Axel liked. He bucked his hips and I felt myself gag and tears filled my eyes from the reflex but I continued what I was doing, feeling goosebumps appear all over my body from hearing his cries and moans. I smiled around his member and hummed again, this time gripping Axel's hips so he couldn't make me choke again and Axel growled; his hands tightening into fists in my hair and causing a small sharp pain for me.

I ignored it and then pulled back, teasing the head with my tongue and slipping it into the slit; giving a few hard licks and sucks here and a few soft ones there. I pulled back completely and kissed Axel's length, moving from base to tip before closing my mouth around it again and then pushing myself all the way down onto his cock, deep throating him and making Axel moan my name loudly. The sound made me moan myself and the vibrations drove Axel crazy.

I felt his stomach tighten and quickened my pace and then Axel gripped my shoulders tightly and let a feral growl tear from his throat as he came hard in my mouth. Even though I knew it was coming, it still shocked me and my eyes widened slightly and when I was sure he was finished I pulled back and swallowed, wiping my lips and trying to decipher what he tasted like. It wasn't a bad taste, he actually tasted quite pleasant considering how much he smoked. I couldn't meet Axel's eye contact for a while and I stood up and went to turn and walk away but Axel had other ideas; gripping my shoulder gently and chuckling as he spun me round and kissed me. My eyes widened even more. **Why the hell would you want to kiss me taking into account where my mouth has just been?! **

But Axel didn't seem to care, he just happily kissed me and caressed my face before lifting me up and lying me down on the bed.

"I was right… you might look all fucking cute and innocent but you still give inconceivable blowjobs." He whispered as he kissed my neck deeply. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes, letting Axel kiss me and touch me. He cupped my face as he lay over me, kissing my neck and I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him closer to me. Axel smiled and took my hands, pinning my hands to the side of my head and twining our fingers together. I felt my heart start to race. **My god this feels so good, so good and so right and… real? **I stopped myself from thinking straight away, knowing that if I thought too much about it then I wouldn't enjoy it as much.

"You're beautiful Roxas… so, so beautiful." I felt my breath audibly hitch in my throat and Axel continued to kiss my collarbone, releasing my hands and slipping them under my shirt to tease and pinch my nipples.

The action made me whimper and writhe beneath him and Axel smiled against my skin.

"Hm, do you like that Roxas?" he whispered, voice husking and dripping with lust. I bit my lip hard and then groaned when he gave a slow scratch to my stomach.

"You sound so hot Roxas. I want you so bad." I whimpered again and then grabbed him and pulled him to me, attacking his neck and kissing him wildly and then moving to his lips, catching Axel off guard. I never initiated a kiss, it was always Axel and I had only ever kissed his lips. But this was just too good. It felt too good. And I wanted him right now.

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That night, Axel fulfilled his promise. He found out what it was that made me come. And as soon as he knew what it was, it was all over.

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I can't say that I regretted that night, because the sex was fucking incredible and by far the best sex I had ever fucking had! Axel was an incredible lover and now that he was focused on me as well as himself, it just made it even better. It was better than fantastic and I felt my feelings towards Axel changing from that night on. That night, when I felt myself come for the first time, it was fucking out of this world.

Axel did something he had never done before, and that's what made me come and I came hard. I threw my head back and let out an almighty cry as I came and gripped Axel's back as he continued to touch me and pound into me. The orgasm seemed to last a lifetime and it was by far the strongest one I had ever felt. I'd never felt such pleasure from touching myself or having Axel or anyone else touch me before and it was sensational. Axel came soon afterwards and after the aftermath had worn off I realised what had happened.

**Oh my god no, please say that didn't just happen.** But judging from the smirk on Axel's lips as he put his pants on and headed out the room, it did; and the evidence was still apparent on my stomach area. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed in annoyance at myself. **My god I'm so stupid!**

And from that night on, Axel used my little secret to the best of his advantage. Every single time we had sex, he would make me come and sometimes I wanted so desperately to just not come just to prove a point. But my body completely disagreed and I just couldn't control it. I shook my head and wondered briefly what Axel thought about it; I wondered if Axel would continue to come to me now he had finally got to do what he wanted and I licked my lips and closed my eyes, letting out a shaky sigh. I mean it wasn't even like I could go up and ask him because he never associated with me until he wanted sex. And it wasn't like we had set dates when Axel would come to see me.

I had noticed that Friday nights were a favourite for Axel but that was four whole days away and I couldn't wait that long. I had to know and I had to know soon.

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Axel did continue to see me, he actually came round the next day and nothing was said. And when it happened again I found myself feeling really bad. Axel just seemed to be enjoying himself and it didn't bother him and so I didn't let it bother me either.

That was six months ago, and now I'm completely and utterly in love with the redhead. We continued to see each other and even though our relationship was solely sex based I knew we had more than that. I knew that he needed me as much as I needed him and I knew I loved him. I was watching him around the castle and my feelings for him just grew and grew and grew. I loved the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he stood and smoked, the way he rolled his eyes when he was unimpressed with something. The way that when he was horny his foot tapped impatiently and when he ate he always chewed at the left side of his mouth. Yes I noticed all these things and so much more.

I loved him.

No, sorry I was _in_ love with him and I didn't care. Things were rocky at the start, things were more than rocky, but they were looking up now and had been looking up for a good few months.

I had been in love with the bipolar redhead for about three or four months now and still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell him.

Axel opened the door and smiled at me as he closed it and approached me.

"Hey there blondie." He whispered and he kissed me passionately, cupping my face tenderly. I smiled and kissed him back, placing a hand over his and humming gently. Axel deepened the kiss and wrapped an arm around my waist and I hooked my hands into the loops of his pants and pulled him towards me. I took a few steps back and let myself fall back onto the bed, pulling Axel on top of me. Axel smiled and chuckled against me and moved from kissing my lips to my neck and I arched into his body.

He was always so warm, so warm and it was so nice and comforting. Controlling fire obviously had something to do with it. I remembered the first time I found out that Axel controlled fire, I had just came back from a week long mission and Axel was in my room, pissed off that I hadn't told him I was going and we got into a heated argument… literally, fire erupted everywhere as he shouted and it scared the shit out of me.

Naturally the sex was rough and angry but I didn't care because although I would never tell him, I had missed him and I had missed this, all of this.

Axel unzipped my jacket and tugged it off my shoulders, throwing it to the floor uncaringly and then moved to kiss my neck again as his talented hands undid my shirt. He got half way down and I gripped his hand.

"What… what are you doing?" I asked breathily and Axel looked at me questioningly.

"I'm taking off your shirt." I cocked an eyebrow at him incredulously.

"Axel, you never take off my shirt." I told him and Axel smiled and kissed my neck.

"Yeah well I want to. First time for everything right?" he teased and I just smiled and released his hand, engaging in another lip lock as Axel's hands quickly disposed of my shirt. When I was out of that I pulled him closer, feeling the cold air bite at my naked flesh and wanting Axel's warmth. I unzipped Axel's jacket and pushed it off his shoulders and then worked on his own shirt, wanting to feel the skin on skin contact that I had been denied of for six months.

I pulled his shirt off with much difficulty and then pressed our chests and stomachs together, relishing in the feeling of Axel against me and whimpering when I felt his hot flesh warm my icy skin. Axel pulled away and pressed to my chest, pushing me back down so I was lying flat on the bed and I looked at him questioningly. He wasn't looking at my eyes, his jade eyes were raking over my body, fingers traipsing down my chest and stomach and then running the flat of his palm over my body. He smiled and shook his head slightly.

"Man oh man you're gorgeous." He whispered and I shivered slightly and then felt a cold breeze flow through the room and I hugged my body. Axel looked at me.

"You cold?" he asked softly and I nodded my head silently. He smiled and reached down to me, hovering over me and leaning down to kiss my lips softly.

"Don't worry, I'll warm you up babe." He whispered seductively and I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. **My god this feels so good. Axel, god I love you… and you love me too; right?**

Axel slid his hand over my taut body and I felt my stomach tighten and relax as he stroked and gently scratched my sides and stomach, driving me crazy and hitting all my weak spots. He slipped one of his hands up to the back of my neck and cupped my neck gently, tilting my head back so he could kiss me deeper, entering his tongue into my mouth and battling playfully with my tongue. I groaned softly against his lips and buried my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me and then I felt his hands move down to my pants and he fell into the familiar process of undoing my pants and removing them. We had done this so many times that it was just a natural thing now, something that had been practised and memorised by Axel.

I moved and undid Axel's own trousers, pulling them down and he aided me in taking them off and I leaned up and pushed him down onto his back. Axel's eyes showed a slight glimmer of anger but it dissipated into pleasant surprise very quickly when I moved to sit on top of him and kissed him, moving down to his neck and then teasing a nipple with my tongue. Axel groaned and ran a hand through my hair affectionately and I smiled and nipped playfully at the hardened bud beneath my lips.

I moved on down Axel's body, kissing and sucking at the flesh there and then tracing my hands down his body, enjoying feeling his muscles ripple under my touch. Axel let out a shaky sigh as I sucked at his hip and ran a hand down his thigh.

"My god Roxas, the things you do to me…" he growled and I smiled to myself. **Not half as bad as what you do to me Axel. **I kissed at his hardened shaft and used all the techniques I had picked up since being with Axel and then started my task, sucking on the throbbing member and humming to myself as I sucked. Axel's hands tangled in my hair and he pulled and pushed roughly, bringing his hips up to meet me and I smiled and continued. I teased the head with my tongue and then picked my pace up, stroking his thigh with one hand and then cupping and massaging his balls with another. Axel let out a loud cry and then pulled my head back forcefully.

I smiled and licked my lips and Axel shook his head at me and gripped my arms, pushing me back.

"Fucking hell Roxas, you turn me on so god damn much." He growled and I smiled and rolled my hips up to him, both of us letting out a low groan and I cupped the back of Axel's head in my hands. Axel moved and started to kiss down my body. When I felt him envelope my cock I screamed. I had never felt anything like it before, Axel had never done anything like this to me before and it felt fucking incredible. He began sucking at my cock and bobbing his head up and down my shaft, licking at the tip and teasing me greatly. I felt his teeth very gently scrape up my shaft and I gripped Axel's shoulders and quivered, feeling myself growing more and more turned on.

But I knew I couldn't come, not without that one thing from Axel. As if to make sure Axel gripped the base of my cock firmly, his finger and thumb acting as a cock ring and he continued with me for another good few minutes before finally pulling away with an audible popping sound.

**My god that was… wow. Jesus no wonder Axel enjoys it so much!** I smiled when Axel released my base and moved up to me, kissing my lips and then wrapping one of his hands around both of our cocks and grinding down to me with a low rumble. I gasped and held on tight to Axel, rocking my own hips against Axel's; the friction between both of our dicks and feeling the slippery substance assist in the smooth gliding motions made it all feel incredible.

I clung to the back of his neck and pressed my forehead to Axel's, I felt hot all over and was panting already. Jesus Christ he knew what he was doing. Axel gave me a deep passionate kiss before he moved down, lying me back down to my back and pressing two fingers to my mouth.

"Suck." He rasped and I immediately took the fingers in my mouth, not really sure what he was playing at but taking great pleasure in his facial expression as I sucked on the fingers teasingly. I felt sure that there must be a nerve running from his fingers to his cock and I smiled around his fingers. Axel quickly pulled them back and shook his head at me.

"You don't understand how much I need you Roxas." He whispered, eyes still locked with mine. I felt him push one of the slippery digits into my entrance and I winced and then hissed and gripped his wrist.

"What the devil are you doing?!" I exclaimed, feeling my body stiffen and I bit my lip hard. Axel kissed my lips softly and cupped my face with another hand.

"Shhh, I'm preparing you baby. Just keep still OK?" I swallowed hard as I felt him thrust the single finger inside me. **What's he playing at? He's never done this before, so why bother now. And its not like I'm a virgin to this now! He should have tried this the first time round. Maybe he really cares…**

He inserted another finger and I groaned and started to rock my hips onto his fingers, trying to get him to hit that spot inside me that made me see stars. But he just wasn't quite deep enough…

Axel removed his fingers and then pumped himself for a moment before smoothing the liquid that seeped out over his shaft and then moving to me. I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and Axel slowly pushed into me, both of us letting out gratifying cries.

Axel stroked my stomach and kissed my neck and then I moved and kissed his lips when he started to thrust into me. Then instead, he took both my arms and pinned them by the side of my head, entwining our fingers together lovingly and kissing me as he moved back and forth into me, rocking gently and shallowly. It wasn't enough.

"Axel… more, please more. Harder…!" I was growing impatient and Axel gasped at my request but easily complied, thrusting into me roughly and quickly, causing me to moan and arch against his body. I tilted my head back and felt my body heat up and I bit my lip to stifle my own moans, intent on listening to Axel's instead, which were spilling freely from his beautiful plump lips.

I couldn't believe how much things had changed in the last few months. Compared to the first time we had had sex and now, things had changed so much. Not just my love for Axel, but also how he acted towards me. It all felt so surreal and too good to be true. It felt amazing.

Axel continued to move and I let out moans of pleasure and pretty soon I felt Axel move and pull me up roughly. He sat on the bed and pulled me onto him and I rocked my hips down onto him, taking him in deeper and deeper and harder and harder, making sure he hit the spot inside me which caused me to scream in ecstasy. I kissed Axel, sealing our lips together in a furious and passionate kiss and ran my hands over his chest. Axel played with my tongue and when I gave a particularly hard thrust down, Axel pushed me back onto my back and continued to thrust into me hard.

He reached up and took a hold of my cock, pumping me in perfect timing with his thrusts and the added sensation was so almost enough to tip me over the edge… almost.

I needed that one thing, that one little thing that Axel did to make me release and he pulled away from my lips and moaned breathily, coming close to his own release. He pressed his forehead to mine and I cupped his neck, scratching gently and tilting my head up every now and then to plant soft delicate kisses on his lips.

"I love you Rox." He breathed, voice low and sincere and so fucking sexy. And I came hard, calling out his name as I arched into his body. And that was what it took, that was what it always took. He told me he loved me and I came, reaching the peak of our activities and I knew that I only ever came because of the words and their meanings. I knew that the words, Axel telling me he loved me, meant so much to me.

The rush overcame me and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. The feeling of the strong orgasm and the feeling of Axel's hand on my cock, the feeling of him being inside me… and then the hot feeling that made my stomach tighten and my heart race when he whispered those words to me. I tried to not think about how our relationship was, I tried to not think about when he ignored me unless he wanted release because it hurt far too much. I didn't like to think too much about everything that was going on. Because for just a few minutes, just a small part of me believes that this means something. I believe that Axel cares for me and it is more than just sex. And that's what makes me come, the thought that maybe Axel loves me like how I love him, the thought that maybe I do mean more to him than just a quick and good fuck.

Axel came seconds later and then removed himself from me and lay on top of me, catching his breath and recovering for a few moments, giving me time to think. My god I loved him so much. I opened my eyes and breathed shakily and deeply, trying to recuperate and I smiled, thinking that maybe Axel wouldn't leave tonight, maybe he'd stay here with me for at least a little while. Maybe have a small conversation before he left for his room. That would be great, if he stayed the night; because he never had done before. We had sex and he left soon after and it always hurt. It made me feel terrible but he never came back and never explained his actions.

I ran a hand through Axel's hair softly, playing with a singular spike at the back of his head and he sighed contently and sat up, avoiding eye contact with me and sat on the edge of the bed. I smiled and moved beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck lovingly. **Please stay Axel… I want you to stay.**

Axel just ran a hand through his hair and sighed, getting to his feet and then started to pull on his clothes. I felt my heart sink and I swallowed and gripped the bed sheets, not in anger, in sorrow. I hated this part, I hated when he turned and left without ever looking back, without any regret about leaving.

He got himself dressed and then turned to head to the door. He didn't even take a step before he froze.

"Axel…" he stopped in his tracks and I licked my lips, not really knowing what I was going to say. But really, I didn't have to say anything. Axel knew I liked him, he must do by now and he knew what I wanted. He just refused to give it to me, no matter how much I gave him.

"Please…" I said again. He lifted his head but didn't turn around and he continued to walk opening the door and then finally turning back to me and licked his lips.

"See you round Roxas." He said, throwing me the usual line he did when he left if he could be bothered to say anything at all and then he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

At that moment I felt my heart break.

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I remained still and silent for a good few minutes after that, hearing Axel's footsteps lead him to his room and slowly became silent. All I could hear in the whole castle, was my own laboured breathing and I sat on the bed completely shocked and heartbroken. I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my knees, tilting my head down into them and cried.

I cried the hardest I had ever cried in my life. I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't just sleep with the man I loved and pretend to not care; to not really care about him and to pretend it didn't hurt me every time he left afterwards, every time he shunned me in the hallways and acted like I didn't exist; like I didn't mean _anything_ to him!!

**But I don't mean anything to him. He doesn't feel anything for me at all, I'm just a good fuck for him; it's all I ever have been. Roxas you stupid boy. Falling for a guy who doesn't really feel much of anything unless he's having sex. **

And it was true; the only time I got any real reaction out of Axel was when we were having sex. He got annoyed when I denied him at first; he got annoyed when I left because he had to go without a fuck for a week. I wondered briefly whether it had all been worth it, whether getting raped and then being used by Axel was worth it to make him happy for a few moments. I lived to make Axel happy, I lived and breathed to make him happy and would have gone to the ends of the world and back just to please him. I would walk across hot coals, broken glass, bare foot through ice to make him happy. Hell I'd swim naked through ice if it made him smile. If he had no money, I'd give him my last penny, if he couldn't see I'd give him my eyes, if he couldn't hear I'd give him my ears; if he couldn't feel I'd give him my hands… if he was to die, I'd give him my heart.

In an instant I would drop everything and anything for him, I'd do anything for him, I'd die for him. I'd put up with being used for six whole fucking months because it made him happy, for a few fleeting moments he was happy and because he was happy; I was happy. He was my life and without him I was nothing. I needed him to be complete and to feel happy and he didn't even care I existed; he would probably just find someone else to fuck if I were to die right now. And it really did feel like I was dying.

Xemnas was always going on about how we didn't have hearts, how we couldn't feel anything because we were nobodies and nobodies didn't feel anything.

Well I felt everything when I was with Axel. I felt the pain when he raped me the first time, the hurt and humiliation, the anger. I felt the nerves when I saw him and how scared I was at first. I felt the heat in my stomach and the flush over my body when he touched me, I felt the pleasure when he hit that spot and the ecstasy when I came. I felt the love radiating from my body for him. And I felt the sorrow and despair when he left, I felt the disappointment when I walked down the hallway and he didn't even bat an eyelid at me, I felt the longing in me for him to stay the night and the sadness when he rejected me. And now I felt the heartache, and it was unbearable.

I hated how Axel made me feel and how he used me. How one minute he could make me feel like I meant the world to him and then the next he made me feel like I was nothing, or worse yet some unpaid hooker; leaving me here naked on the crumpled and stained bed sheets in a room that smelt of sex without so much as a decent goodbye. I felt so worthless and I felt myself start to retch, I raced to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet, my chest hurt and my head was pounding and I cried harder, tugging at my hair in frustration.

I was shaking violently and I just couldn't stop crying, I'd had it, I'd finally had enough. I couldn't be around someone who fucked around with me like this, messing with my head and playing with my feelings, using me as and when he wanted to be entertained like some old toy. Brought out to play with for a bit and then stuffed into a closet for another few days and forgotten until the next time the child was so bored that they resorted to the old toy again. Fuck that, I knew I was worth more than that.

But then the thought of leaving Axel hurt so much, and I knew what the organisation would do; death was the penalty for turning your back on them and I knew it full well. But I would rather die than carry on feeling the pain I was feeling right now; and I knew it wouldn't get any better.

I finally staggered to my feet and flushed the chain, wiping my mouth and whimpered more when I found I could still taste Axel on my lips. I retched again but managed to keep down whatever was left of my dinner. I turned on the shower and stepped underneath it, leaning against the wall and crying hard. My legs gave way and I fell and sat on the bath floor, just wanting to curl up and die. I cried so hard and I couldn't even catch my breath. I was panting and I placed a hand to my chest, feeling my heart start to break again. I didn't want to think about him anymore but I just couldn't stop!

After a thorough shower I dried myself down and stumbled into the bedroom, still crying hard. I picked up my clothes and pulled them on and then sighed and tried to calm myself down, sitting on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. I finally managed to stop myself from crying and I let out a shaky sigh.

I felt exhausted, physically and mentally drained.

I didn't want this anymore; I didn't want to be used as someone's fuck buddy anymore. I wanted Axel, I wanted him to love me like how I loved him, but I knew he never would. Axel was a complete and utter cold and heartless bastard. He didn't care about me, never really did and never will and he would never change.

I didn't feel so sad anymore, yes it still hurt, but most of my sorrow was replaced with anger. I sighed and prepared myself for what I was about to do before standing up and holding out my hand, channelling a portal that would take me outside the castle. I braced myself and stepped through and as the portal closed around me, I could have sworn I heard my bedroom door open.

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_I'll happily admit that I'm a bastard. I don't care; think whatever you want about me. The only thing you really need to know is I always get what I want. And the moment I laid eyes on Roxas, I knew I wanted him. _

_He was just too cute to resist, clad only in the fucking organisation cloak and that blonde messy hair and striking blue eyes that seemed to sparkle and shine like some fucking gem. He was cute yes, but more than that he was fucking fuckable. _

_I followed him out of the hall and grabbed him in the hallway, not wanting to get too formal and go through all the hubbub of asking him out and then waiting ages before getting any action, I had waited long enough anyway and when I saw Roxas, I just wanted him. I wanted him as a one time thing; I just wanted a fuck and run. Nothing routine like, nothing serious, just a quick fuck. _

_And that's all he was to me._

_But somehow I just couldn't keep away and when I went to see him the next day, he looked so scared of me, so damn scared and so vulnerable that I couldn't keep my hands off him, plus I was horny again and I knew, I just knew that Roxas wouldn't be able to fight me. I mean I was his superior; he wouldn't even dare to say no to me because it would be denying a direct order and I could have him killed for it. And I would have him killed, no ifs or buts about it. I mean he was just a kid who had a nice tight ass, no skin off my back. _

_Roxas was just, there was something about him that kept me going back to him, apart from the fact that he was naïve and very easy to manipulate, which I liked. I liked that a lot. Easy to manipulate meant that they would do whatever I wanted when I wanted without any arguments. I think it was just because he was young and sexy and just turned me on. But who knows?_

_Roxas was just convenient for me, like I've said; he was easy to manipulate and I could use and abuse him for my own personal pleasures and even though he put up a fight sometimes, he was easy to overpower and win round, and he never really put up much of a fight anyway. _

_But for some reason, the blonde really started to grow on me. I mean the boy could give some very good fucking sex when he wanted to and when he wasn't trying to fight me off like some fucking virgin. I mean he was talented for his age and I mean it, I had never had such a good blowjob in my life until I met Roxas, and seeing as he had never done it before he was very fucking good! _

_And then he started to play hard to get, point blank refusing to come for me. Bastard. Nobody had ever done anything like that to me before and not only did it put a damper on my ego; it pissed me off something terrible. I remember the first time he came for me, my god that was something else. _

_I had been trying different ways to make him come for a while and even though I had found out a few of the blonde's hot spots and used it to my advantage, none of it worked. Sometimes Roxas looked just as frustrated with it as I did but still he refused to do anything about it. I had started hitting his hot spots, kissing him and trying my hardest to make him enjoy it. But nothing. _

_So imagine my surprise when we were having sex one time, and my god I'd just had the best blowjob of my life so was eager to give the blonde something back in return. Because at the end of the day, I really did want to please Roxas, even if it was just for the fact that I knew that I could. It would be confirmation that I could make Roxas come for me, I could please him and he did enjoy what we were doing. _

_I leaned forward and kissed him passionately, liking the taste of the smaller boy beneath me._

"_You're beautiful Roxas… so, so beautiful." I whispered as I kissed and nipped at his collarbone and released his hands, instead aiming to tease his body. I ran my hands under his shirt and over a taunt body and smiled to myself. __**Mmm, very nice Roxas… **__I started to tease and pinch his nipples and I felt Roxas writhe and shiver beneath me, whimpering softly. __**My god he sounds so good.**__ And he really did, the sounds that the boy made sent a shock straight to my cock every time he made one. I smiled to myself._

"_Hm, do you like that Roxas?" I whispered unable to hide the lust and want in my voice as I clawed gently at his stomach, making Roxas groan again. Another twitch in my cock._

"_You sound so hot Roxas. I want you so bad." I whispered and to my surprise, Roxas reached up and started to kiss my neck and pulled me closer. I smiled and touched the boy, teasing him a little more before I couldn't hold back any longer and I thrust into the panting and desperate blonde beneath me._

_That's what I didn't understand, Roxas clearly enjoyed what we did, it was obvious in many ways and he had stopped trying to fight me off and was actually responding more… so why the hell did he just point blank refuse to let it go?_

_I didn't care, he would sooner or later no matter what it took. I continued to move inside Roxas and he moaned and groaned in pleasure as I continued to hit his prostate with force and accuracy. I pumped him in time with my thrusts and kissed his lips and neck, throwing his legs over my shoulders so I could really get inside him and deeply. __**My god this kids moans were to die for, seriously I think sometimes I could just come from listening to him.**_

"_Oh god Roxas…" I moaned, feeling my own release building up from pounding into the tight, moist heat of the boy. And Roxas really was tight, no matter how many times we did this, he still maintained that nice snugness when we first had sex and it was sensational. Sex with Roxas was just fantastic sex, period. _

_I sucked hard on his neck, leaving a red mark on the creamy flesh and I groaned again._

"_I love you Rox…" I whispered and then, the most unusual thing happened. He came. Hard. And I mean, hard._

_The blonde's eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened into a perfect 'o' shape and then he threw his head back and gripped my shoulders tightly, pulling me to him roughly and arching his back. I quickened my pace and came when I heard Roxas scream my name as he came, his come hitting both of us and I smiled against his neck and kissed his neck, groaning when I felt the muscles around my cock contract and relax from his orgasm. _

_He thrust me over the edge and I came inside him, burying myself completely inside him and thrusting gently a few times and slowing my motions down on his own cock before I stopped altogether and just used my shaky arms to hold up my body weight. My face was still resting against his neck and we both remained silent for a moment, coming down off our high. _

_**Hmmm, so… Roxas comes when I tell him I love him. Odd…**__ and really it was. I had tried everything, adding a little pain, touching him more, talking dirty to him… and yet something simple like a simple 'I love you' made him come. I got off Roxas and grabbed my trousers, my mind swimming with what had just happened. Not the sex part, that part was great, and I was patting myself on the back for actually making Roxas come… but, to say I loved him. _

_I'll admit it, I only said it to see what his reaction would be; and I never in a million years thought that he would actually come from me saying it. I turned to Roxas and he sat half upright leaning against the headboard, looking a little confused and more than a little anxious. __**Cute, real cute. **__I smiled and shook my head slightly, standing up silently and there was a tense and awkward silence between us. He was scared and I could tell and he was more than likely embarrassed but I didn't really care. I got the job done and I don't care how it worked, as long as it did. _

_And from that day on, I used it all the time during sex, because seeing Roxas have an orgasm was just such a fucking hot experience and it made me feel so good. And to be honest, the boy was beautiful. He was more than just a good fuck, he also had a really pretty face and a decent body from what I had seen of it anyway. He was a cute and sweet innocent little kid and the sounds he made when he came were just such a fucking turn on. And the greatest thing was, it never got old, no matter how much we had sex, no matter how many times I said it, it always had the same effect. _

_The last time Roxas and I had sex, was by far the best in my opinion. Everything just felt so good and right and just, the best. Roxas was kissing me passionately and I was kissing him with just as much want and need. When I finally got off Roxas' shirt I couldn't stop myself from checking him out. Because Roxas had a fucking hot, hot body. He was toned and taut and just perfect. __**Damn it Roxas you're so fucking sexy.**_

"_Man oh man you're gorgeous." I whispered as I traced my hand over his body, memorising ever curve and contour. He shivered and I glanced up at him._

"_You cold?" I asked, smiling when he nodded and hovered over him, leaning down and kissing his lips softly._

"_Don't worry, I'll warm you up babe." I replied seductively and kissed Roxas when he started to kiss me passionately. _

_I ran my hands over Roxas' body, delighting in the quite whimpers and soft groans it emitted from the blonde boy, making sure I paid particular attention to his hot spots. I took off Roxas' pants and then he moved and removed my own attire before he pushed me onto my back and straddled me._

_I frowned for a moment, completely taken aback by Roxas' actions. __**What the fuck is he playing at? **__Roxas' playful smile just made me relax a little more and he moved down and kissed me, kissing down my body and teasing my nipple with his mouth. I groaned and ran my hand through his hair softly. Roxas smiled against my skin and then continued to move down brushing his hand over my body with a featherlike touch and I felt my body stiffen and relax under his touches. I sighed and swallowed hard when Roxas began suckling on my hip and stroking my thigh with equal softness._

"_My god Roxas, the things you do to me…" I whispered breathily and Roxas started to suck at my cock, playing with my balls with one of his hands and pulling out all the tricks he knew. __**I'm gonna come, seriously he needs to stop right…**_

_I grabbed Roxas by the hair and pulled his head back forcefully before I came. The boy just smiled and licked his lips and I swear to god I felt my cock threaten to explode from that gesture alone. Sheer fucking sexiness. _

"_Fucking hell Roxas, you turn me on so god damn much." And it was so true, he really did do the most incredible things to my body and there was nothing I could do about it. He kept me coming back for more and more. I repaid the favour, sucking Roxas off and gripping the base of his cock to stop him from coming and enjoying the taste of him completely. He tasted so sweet, so, so sweet. _

_After more teasing I decided to step it up a notch and got Roxas to suck my fingers. And my fucking god my cock started to throb from the sensation. __**Hot, fucking so hot… OK enough playing around. **_

"_What the devil are you doing?!" Roxas exclaimed when I inserted a finger inside him. I pecked his lips, remembering that Roxas hadn't had this done to him before._

"_Shhh, I'm preparing you baby. Just keep still OK?" I replied and started to thrust adding in a second finger after a while and when Roxas started to thrust down onto my hand, I knew he was ready. I don't know why I bothered, it wasn't like he was unused to it, but it just felt like the right thing to do._

_I thrust into Roxas and within no time, I was moving in and out of him with a gentle speed at first. Until I heard Roxas start to moan some things that literally took the air right out of my lungs._

"_Axel… more, please more. Harder…!" even though his request shocked me and literally took my breath away, I complied happily and my god the sex that night was incredible. When I felt myself about ready to come, I did what I always did, I whispered and panted those words that made Roxas come, the words he longed to hear spill from my lips._

"_I love you Rox." And he came hard, in turn making me come inside him. The ecstasy washed over me and Roxas' face was tinted with a small pink flush and he looked so beautiful. _

_I collapsed on top of him for a moment to regroup and felt Roxas playing with my hair affectionately. I swallowed softly and bit my lip. Logic was telling me that I shouldn't be doing this, I knew Roxas liked me and I had known it for a little while, he had slipped up when he had come when I first told him I loved him. That had told me that he liked me and the fact it continued to work just clarified it._

_I felt a little bit bad suddenly, the feeling of guilt washing over me and I sat up on the edge of the bed. I felt Roxas wrap his arms around me and start kissing my neck and it made me feel bad so I sighed and got to my feet, intent on leaving as soon as possible. It was what we always did, we had sex and then I left without a word, it was best that way. It had worked before anyway, up until now anyway._

_I turned to leave and froze when I heard Roxas whisper my name._

"_Axel… please…" I felt guilt rack my body and I bit my lip and then opened the door and finally turned to Roxas. I really wished I hadn't. _

_Seeing the boy sitting there naked on the bed sheets and looking at me with a wishful expression, a glimmer of hope in those radiant blue orbs and something else hiding behind them. He looked so broken and so lost and sad. But I knew he was expecting something from me that I just couldn't give him. He wanted something more than this, something stable and real. He wanted love, and I was a nobody, I couldn't give or feel love._

"_See you round Roxas." I said softly, turning and leaving. When I got to my room I collapsed on the bed and thought long and hard about everything that had gone on. I had always been told that I was a nobody and couldn't feel. But when I was with Roxas I felt so much, I felt it when I had sex with him, I felt the pleasure he gave me and I felt the guilt that had followed tonight. Tonight had been different from any other night, it felt like tonight had actually meant something. Like something had clicked between us and something had just fallen into place._

_That night I heard Roxas cry for hours and every sob, tore straight to where my heart should be. It didn't take long for it to become unbearable for me and I headed down to Roxas' room, intent on comforting the boy and trying to figure out what the hell was going on and what we could do to make it better. When the hell did things get so fucked up? At first Roxas was just a fuck, he was meant to be a one time thing! Not a four or five time a week thing! And I certainly wasn't meant to ever feel anything for him; I wasn't meant to feel anything for anyone!!_

_When I opened Roxas' room, the boy wasn't in sight, and I looked over to the black portal that was currently closing. __**What the fuck?! **__Then it clicked._

_**Shit he's gonna leave…**_

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I strode down the cold streets like a man on a mission. Axel was still on my mind but I knew that this was for the best. Maybe not for him, I mean he'd have to go through the trouble of finding a new fuck buddy again, but for me this was for the best.

I couldn't be with Axel, he had made that perfectly obvious tonight, and I couldn't get my feelings reciprocated from him so there was really no point in staying around. I mean I wasn't happy here, and I knew I had a better purpose than this.

I walked past the tall buildings and then turned behind to take one last look at the castle, only to find several dusks chasing after me.

"Shit, not now!" I hissed and I shook my head and ran fast. I didn't want to fight them now, I just wanted to get out as soon as possible. I eventually lost the dusks and after catching my breath I continued to head out.

What I didn't expect, was to run into Axel. I noticed him but didn't acknowledge him; he was leaning against the wall with his head down and his arms folded. He looked sort of different, he seemed a little off but I ignored the gut feeling telling me to ask him what was wrong, he wouldn't tell me anyway. I strode forward, not even looking at him, hoping against hope that he wouldn't talk to me.

**Please don't talk to me, please don't say anything because if you do; I don't think I'll be able to leave. And I have to leave… please just, don't speak. **

I walked past him and he didn't move, didn't even bat an eyelid and I felt a wash of relief flow over me and I sighed gently.

"Your minds made up?" I stopped when I heard his voice and I bit my lip hard when I realised the effect it had on me. I trembled slightly and I felt my breath hitch. How did he know I was going to leave? How did he know!? I licked my lips.

"Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know." I told him my voice firm and uncaring. We both knew it was a lie, sure I had questioned it a few times but it wasn't something I thought about constantly. I heard Axel shuffle slightly and his voice was suddenly angry, but for once, that anger didn't seem to be directed at me.

"You can't turn on the organisation! If you get on their bad side they'll destroy you!" he told me. **Duh, no way.** My response was immediate and I turned my head and talked over my shoulder to the redhead who I was so in love with.

"No one would miss me." I told him pausing for a moment before continuing to walk. As if he'd really care if I was gone for good, as if he cared if they destroyed me. But then why did he sound so concerned, so angered and… desperate for me to stay. **This is your entire fault anyway! If you hadn't made me fall for you we wouldn't be in this mess! Or if you'd actually admit to me that you cared, that in some fucked up way you did actually care for me…**

"That's not true… I would." I froze instantly and felt my breath hitch and my eyes filled with unshed tears. Jesus that was like someone had just wrapped their hands around my heart and squeezed gently. My heart jumped and practically lunged into my throat. I swallowed hard and let out a shaky sigh. Before letting a bitter smile slip onto my lips and I shook my head.

I never turned around to face Axel, I just stood still for a moment and then I smiled and shook my head.

"No… you wouldn't." I replied and then I continued to walk. I knew Axel wouldn't miss me; he'd just miss the sex and having someone there at his beck and call whenever he wanted. I was his fucking slave; I did what he wanted me to when he wanted me to do it with no questions asked and rarely causing any hassle and arguments.

I didn't hound him for days about why he ignored me completely when we were round the castle together, I didn't spread rumours and tell everyone that we were fucking. I was a good boy. And Axel would miss that about me, he'd miss the fact that he could control me and manipulate me so easily.

I continued to walk and when the portal opened up I stepped through it, not even sparing Axel a backward glance; see how that bastard likes it for a change.

I guess I don't love him anymore.

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_I think I love him._

**The End.**


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